I’m trapped in a loveless relationship. Financially trapped, because I owe money and can’t afford my own place. And emotionally trapped, because I’ve moved somewhere new and the only person I know is him.
I know I need to make new friends and new connections, but social anxiety is holding me back. I’ve tried to do things but given up because it’s caused me so much stress. I haven’t even spoken to my existing friends in weeks. I’ve left it too long and now I don’t know how to get back in touch. They haven’t got in touch with me either. I’ve let it all die.
I have a job that I can’t deal with. Some days are ok, but most days are hard. I struggle. I don’t see a way out. I need this job, because I need the money. I need this job to fix the gaps in my CV from the last few years. I need this job as a step forward in my ‘career’. And I would feel guilty bailing on my colleagues half way through a contract. They hired me because they trusted me because they already knew me. I can’t turn my back on that. This opportunity won’t come up again. I have already burned through a lot of opportunities.
I know all of this is my own doing. I’ve not had anything bad happen to me. My sadness and desperation and loneliness is a direct result of all my poor choices.
I just don’t know how to get out of this.
My Honest Recovery 